“Varus has a really big dick, in case you’re wondering.”

Jacob smirked. “Yeah. I know.” He looked away and rolled his eyes.

Sarah blinked fast. “You’ve seen it?”

“Sucked it. Several times. He’s a fucking addict. I mean, I have a lotta sex, but that wolf is either jacking off in his office or getting head from someone at least once a day.”

“Why would you… uh…”

“He’ll fire me if I don’t,” Jacob grunted.

“You really get yourself mixed up in weird situations, don’t you?” Sarah sipped her tea on the outdoor patio at Volcano, the fancy bistro that was always crowded except for Monday afternoons.

Jacob gave the crumbs on his plate a stir with his foreclaw. “Weird shit finds me.” He looked annoyed.

“It’s weird that we’re both not working at that coffee shop on a Monday,” Sarah set her cup down. “I mean, it’s a nice weird. Just glad we both have the day off.”

Jacob didn’t seem to be listening. “Did you just suck him off or…?”

Sarah cocked her head to one side. “Are you jealous, pup?”

“No. I just don’t like seeing my friends get used by that monster. That and he’s also a real ass. He’s got this thing against dogs. Except when they’re licking his knot, apparently.”

Sarah sighed. “He didn’t use me. I enjoyed it. No, I didn’t know he was such a jerk. And yeah, if you’re wondering, I rode that big knot of his in his chair. It was kinda hot.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed him. I have to admit I kinda like his fat wolf cock, too. As long as he keeps that vile maw of his shut.” He licked his nose quickly.

The two stared at each other uncomfortably.

“I’m sorry, Sarah. Who you fuck is your business. I don’t want to get in the way. Ever.”

“Apology accepted, Jacob. Next time, please give me a heads-up about any other jerks you might know. I don’t like screwing assholes any more than you do.”

Jacob nodded. “You have my word.”

“We good, then?”

Jacob nodded and smiled. “We’re good.”

“I also got some news from my jewelry colleague and I wanted you to know in person.”

Jacob looked up and rolled the torc on his wrist one complete rotation. “Oh?”

“She couldn’t find anything in the current collection that resembles it, so she dug around a bit. Turns out there was a similar piece in the museum up until about the time of that big heist. The one where the helmet of Marcanius was stolen.”

The malinois blinked. “Are you saying this was stolen?”

Sarah reached out with a paw and touched the torc gently. “Not sure. She seems to think this might not be a reproduction but she’d have to study it up close. All she has to go by are grainy photos and a police report that she found in the archives.”

Jacob wondered what kind of mercenaries Magnus and Amin were. Could it be possible they dealt in stolen art? It seemed likely to him.

“Did you want to give it to her?” He slipped it off and put it into the palm of her paw. “I mean, if it’s really stolen, I don’t want anything to do with it.”

Sarah tucked it away into her satchel. “Of course. And I’ll keep all of this off the record until we get an answer. Can’t risk Magnus knowing anything about this.”

“Did you sign a lease yet?” Jacob looked up expectantly, wanting to steer the conversation away from the pair of evil horses.

“I’m hoping to hear back this afternoon. That was the other reason I wanted to be down here today. Ready to rush over and sign something before they change their mind.”

“Let me know right away, Sarah. I’m super happy you’ll be in the ‘hood,” Jacob smiled wide and wagged, thumping his tail against his chair.

Sarah smiled and started to say something, but she was interrupted by the chirp of her phone. “Oh… gawds. This could be it.”

She answered. “Yes, this is Sarah. Oh? Oh! That’s great! I’ll be over in a few minutes! Yes. Thank you. See you soon.” The lion wore a happy smile as she put her phone down. “Well, that was great timing! I got it!”

Jacob let out a happy, short howl and took her paws in his. “I’m so fucking happy, Sarah! Now, get on it. Go sign that lease! I got the bill here.”

“Thank you, Jacob. Yer just the best,” Sarah gave him a wink as she stood, carefully placing the satchel’s strap over her right shoulder. “I’ll send ya the details after I sign.”

The next day at the gym, Jacob eyed Varus warily as the big wolf talked up a small deer who was on a treadmill. He grimaced as he thought about how Marcus, Sarah and him have all had that fucker’s cum inside them. Not to mention countless others. Seems like this deer was going to be next. Sucking him off was by no means unpleasant. He meant what he told Sarah. Even though he was a huge asshole, he still smelled good - a nice mix of cinnamon and earthiness - and his big, low-hanging testicles were actually kinda fun to play with. For Jacob, it was just so… transactional. There was absolutely no connection. Just a means to stay employed.

Jacob’s phone buzzed. A text from Sarah. She had news. She wanted him to meet her at the museum tomorrow. He texted back saying he’d be there at 10:00 if that worked. It did.

Wednesday dawned bright as usual in Malaka. Jacob yawned as he sauntered down Avenue Empirica, a sweet pastry in one paw and a paper cup of coffee in the other. He was shirtless so as to not get crumbs on his new tank top.

Sarah was waiting for him at the guard’s desk near the entrance. She gave the malinois a polite hug and whispered into his ear.

“As much as I don’t want you to, you need to put a shirt on.” She let out a chuckle and traced the bottom of his left pec with a foreclaw.

Jacob smirked sheepishly and pulled his tank top out from his waistband before putting it on. Sarah led him into the museum and into an elevator by the gift shop. She waved a fob in front of a dark glass panel and pressed the button for the lower level. The doors closed.

“What’s down here?”

“Archives and the museum’s research lab,” answered Sarah. “My jewelry colleague works down here.”

The doors opened and they swiftly walked down a long hallway. Sarah waved her fob on a panel next to a heavy door, which made a beeping sound. The door opened slowly. Jacob peered inside. Large tables, strewn with artifacts, made up the center of the spacious room. Storage racks lined all four of the walls, presumably filled with more artifacts. A wolf with sandy-coloured fur was using a microscope on one of the tables.

“Hey, Sarah,” the wolf cheerily called as she looked up from her work.

“Hey, Flora. Thanks for looking into that torc for us.”

“Not a problem. Well, not a problem for me. This torc is a real big problem for someone, however.”

Jacob groaned. “It’s stolen, right?”

Flora nodded. “Yeah. And not just stolen. Stolen from here. Look. You can see where our accession number used to be.” The wolf gestured to a large magnifying lens attached to the edge of the table. She picked up the torc and held it under the lens. Jacob studied the inside of the torc, noting a rough patch that was about two centimeters long.

“Accession number?” The malinois tilted his head.

Sarah nodded. “It’s a tracking system most museums use to keep artifacts organized. In the old days, they used to make little tags with long numbers on them and then attach them to the artifact.”

“Whoever stole this pulled off the number. Luckily, we have paper records going back centuries and I was able to find which number this torc had, based on measurements and some researcher’s detailed descriptions. I have the whole history about where it came from. It’s over two thousand years old.”

“So, it’s definitely the real deal?” Jacob couldn’t believe he’d been casually wearing such a priceless object.

Flora nodded. “It’s great that it’s home, but obviously there’s going to be questions about where it was these past thirty years.”

Jacob immediately felt panicked. “Can’t we… just say we found it somewhere?”

Flora narrowed her eyes and furrowed her brow. “What are you on about? Didn’t you find it on San Sebastian Beach?”

“He did!” interjected Sarah loudly. “The nude part. Wasn’t that where you were?”

Jacob felt confused for a moment, then realised what Sarah was doing. “Yeah. That’s right. It was poking out of the sand near the cliff. Thought it was some kind of tourist-trap trinket at first. Glad I brought it to Sarah, that’s for sure.”

Flora flicked her ears. “The head of security will want to know where you were, exactly. Just in case there might be more stolen artifacts buried in the sand.”

“Jacob can take them there,” Sarah interrupted. The malinois nodded quickly in reply, wondering how a bunch of scientists will react to dozens of naked guys getting busy with each other.

“Then we’ll be in touch,” Flora smiled. “If anything, I’m sure the museum will want to thank you formally for retrieving this. If only we could get the helmet of Marcanius back, too.”

“Uh. Sure. I’d like to kinda remain anonymous,” Jacob rumbled. “I’m a pretty private dog.”

Flora gave him a strange look. “I’m sure it can be arranged, I suppose.”

“You said the records show where the torc came from?” Jacob barked.

Flora nodded. “It was originally found in a mausoleum that belonged to an historical figure called Justus, son of Titus. The grave had been ransacked centuries ago, but the thieves missed the torc. Luckily, a farmer that lived about two hundred years ago found it when he was getting ready to donate the land that the grave was on. You can visit the mausoleum today because of his generosity. It’s one of our outpost heritage sites.”

“Justus was a maverick,” Sarah added. “He was a wealthy landowner who helped transition a former fiefdom into a territory of the Empire, bringing in such modern ways like polyamory and a more liberal and equitable notion of family. He had both a husband and a wife. His husband documented their life together and it was one of the very first widely-read manuscripts on the continent.”

Jacob and Sarah thanked Flora and returned to the elevator. On the main floor, they walked wordlessly into the grand gallery and stood in front of the empty plinth where the helmet of Marcanius used to be.

“Thank you for covering for me,” Jacob rumbled.

“I just couldn’t put you into any more danger than you already are, Jacob. If Magnus got a visit from the authorities asking about the torc, he’d know it was you.”

Jacob immediately felt panicked. “Oh great. Now he won’t see me wearing it. That’ll piss him off.”

Sarah smiled. “Actually, I’m a step ahead of you.” She dug into her satchel, pulling out what looked like an exact copy of the torc. “I suspected you had the real thing, so I used my employee discount in the gift shop to buy this cheap metal replica. It’s been sitting there in the sales case for over thirty years, so it has almost the exact patina.”

Jacob slipped it on, smiling. “Gawds, you’re brilliant. Yer too good to me. Thank you.”

Sarah leaned in and kissed him quickly on the muzzle. “Yer good to me, too. You liberated me from my fiefdom-like ways and showed me the modern world.”

Jacob shook his head. “Hey. Yer the one doing this. You’re doing awesome at it. I’m just grateful to tag along.”

Sarah took Jacob’s paw in hers and gave it a squeeze.

“Likewise.”